Funk

No, it's not what you think. Or maybe it is. Who am I to say? I don't even know you.

A few weeks ago my wife bought a new van (well, nearly new), her fourth (nearly) new car in a row. Me? I drive a POS, my fourth POS in a row. Well, that is not totally true. Two cars back I had a pretty nice 6 year old minivan, until someone t-boned it, and then another, which wasn't too bad, but there was never any money for repairs or maintenance, and it wound its way down to POS status.

Now, I am sure you find that fascinating, but it is not what I am here to write about.

But, it is...possibly...the biggest contributor to the present funk. I am 50, and I just started a new job. The job is boring, and uses about 5% of my brain cells, but it does have one all important feature.

A paycheck.

So, I have a job that takes up 10 hours of my day (or more, with commute), a paycheck and a funk so large that it could depress the city of Des Moines (no Des Moines jokes here). What I do not seem to have is anything that really relieves the boredom of my life. I haven't wanted to do much of anything for the last week or so, and the reason why I am able to write this is because the funk seems to have lessened a bit today.

I can define possible causes for the funk, but I just don't feel like they really explain it, except possibly when taken altogether. And, it's not like there are no good things, but, then again, they aren't very good. Some of the bad things are fairly bad, but nothing my wife and I have not been through before. We will make it through this too.

No, I think that the true cause of the funk is the sameness of everything. I feel like I am living my life in black and white. And, not the cool black and white of an old film noir, but just a general lack of color, a world with nothing but shades of gray that seem to blend into each other, with nothing to stand out, nothing to appease the eye, or engage the mind.

Dull

Boring

Funk

It will get better, it always does, though it never gets very good, and I guess that is another problem too. It seems a rather dark oppressive grey that hides colors, rather then a light grey that would help the colors stand out.

Sorry about a depressing essay, but that is how I feel.

Disclaimer: No one from Des Moines was harmed during the writing of this blog.